The concept of choice in addiction is like someone telling you to use willpower to stop diarrhea
I believed that my husband was "choosing" addiction over me and our family, and that left me constantly feeling angry, frustrated, let down, unloved, anxious, and stressed.
I now have come to understand that nobody wakes up every morning and says, "today I choose addiction over my family, my kids, my health, my safety, my career, my freedom, and ultimately my life".
If you were to ask your loved one struggling with addiction - what does addiction do for you in the short term? Here are some of the answers you might receive.
Respite from anxiety
Numbs the pain
Fills the void
Peace
A sense of control
To feel like I matter
A rush, excitement, being alive
Escape from...
Who reading this does not want respite from anxiety?
Who would not want to avoid pain, and find some inner peace in their life?
Is there anyone who does not want to feel in control of their life, to feel like they matter in the world?
And who does not want to feel the rush of excitement, to feel alive?
Our loved ones are not choosing addiction. The drug or behaviour is something that alleviates their pain. Maybe the pain is boredom, or depression, or anxiety or a feeling that they are not loveable, or a belief that no one will love them if they see who they really are. Maybe the pain is of not being comfortable at a party with friends or perhaps the drug simply gives them joy and pleasure that they are lacking.
They are not choosing addiction; they have found a solution to a problem.