16 ways to help your children establish good habits that will help strengthen their mental health and well-being as they grow up.
"It's easier to stop something from happening in the first place than to repair the damage after it has happened." Proverb
1. Make it a habit to give your family and yourself permission to feel.
How?
Allow space for all feelings- even the uncomfortable ones. Our feelings are what make us human. Teach your children that all feelings: have value it’s what you do with them that matters.
Teach your children to:
recognise what their feelings are saying to them
understand where those feelings are coming from
help them to develop a nuanced emotional vocabulary to be able to express their feelings as they really are.
Together with them build a toolkit of strategies to help them to self-regulate to get the best out of almost any situation. Show them how you do it. Make it a habit to model how you regulate your own emotions. Co-regulation is a prerequisite for self-regulation.
Children don’t learn to calm their bodies and emotions until they are repeatedly soothed by the calm presence of other adults. The parents' or caregivers' nervous system being regulated in turn regulates their nervous system, but a dysregulated adult will dysregulate a child.
80% of parenting is modelling- so it’s important to model the behaviour you wish to see.
"Children are like mirrors, they reflect back at us all that we say and do." Pam Leo
2. Make it a daily habit to make time to show up and be present to actively listen to your child.
Spend one-on-one time every evening to listen to your child and share with them the news of the day. By being an active and empathetic listener, you will provide opportunities that will help your child grow their emotional intelligence and emotional resiliency and by having daily open connection you will be able to help prevent problems from arising before they do.
Make sure to validate your child’s experience for what it is and support them to problem-solve their way out of difficult situations, don’t try to fix their problems for them.
“A child seldom needs a good talking to as much as a good listening to.” Robert Brault.
3. Make it a habit to help your child nurture their growth mindset.
Encourage your child to focus on the effort they make in the process and not the end product. Model by giving specific praise. Have high expectations and be sure to talk about the importance of failure.
Make it a habit to involve your child in talking about their progress and how they can challenge themselves. Encourage them to step out of their comfort zone and try things that are the opposite of what they want to do as this builds resilience and self-belief.
“If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is to teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy the effort and keep on learning.” Carol Dweck.
4. Make daily routines a habit.
Daily routines enable children to establish consistent behaviours that build healthy habits, healthy habits that will be with them for a lifetime. When life is organised and consistent at home, children feel secure, safe, and cared for. Routine is especially important during difficult times or during challenging stages of development.
Healthy habits are the bedrock of good mental health.
A simple daily routine provides a basis for children to learn essential skills that help them become self-sufficient and independent. From an early age and with your guidance children can learn to look after themselves. It, therefore, makes lots of sense to teach children from the word go how to holistically look after themselves. Self-care then becomes a natural and routine part of their lives and not something that is treated as an afterthought when they leave home.
5. Make the habit of collaborating with your child.
Get them to participate and involve them in age-appropriate decision-making that involves them. If they are part of the process and have had their say then they are far more likely to adapt their behaviours accordingly and be less belligerent when you enforce the ‘rules’. This especially applies to rules around screen time.
"Rules without connection result in rebellion. Rules with connection result in respect." Unknown
6. Make it a habit to share the home chores.
Have a daily family routine where the tasks are shared as this embeds a sense of responsibility, teamwork, and belonging.
7. Make it a habit to use humour to navigate stormy waters.
8. Make it a habit to have fun together as a family.
9. Make it a habit to have family downtime together.
Read stories before bed, watch a regular series on the T.V. together, and have family rituals at the weekends, like brunch on Sundays or walks in the park, or going somewhere for a treat after dance class or football practice. These moments will become a special time for you and your child to share and will be special memories when they grow older and make their own traditions.
10. Make it a habit to be kind and look for the good.
11. Make it a habit not to fix your child's problems but to support them as they problem-solve.
12. Make it a habit to exercise on your own and as a family.
13. Make it a habit to all get enough sleep.
14. Make it a habit to cook together and eat well.
15. Make it a habit to get out into nature.
16. Make it a habit to practice gratitude.
My advice for trying to teach your children these healthy habits is-
Make time for connection whenever you can. Even though sometimes it might not feel like it, there is always time.
Answer the why, where, and when questions, and as far as possible be transparent in your age-appropriate communication.
Practice what you preach.
Be consistent.